Stop watching porn.

I don’t rail against pornography because I get a kick out of losing friends. I am challenging it because I have evidenced its violent ramifications via molestation, suicide, and murder firsthand.

Stop playing devil’s advocate for porn.

I don’t just want you to stop consuming porn. I want you to entrench the degradation and suffering of its victims so deeply into your heart that you are compelled to fight against it for the rest of your life.

Stop tolerating porn.

I don’t need you to feel bad for the individuals in porn who have had “bad experiences.” I need you to feel furious about how an entire class of people – women – are subjugated as a whole.

Stop masturbating to porn.

I don’t want you to do this for the sheer fact that porn rewires your brain via the limbic system to associate degradation and humiliation with orgasms and pleasure. I want you to do this because you were humane enough to stop being a mindless masturbating drone and took the time to read about the pornography industry, about its sexist, racist, misogynistic, anti-woman, pro-masculinity, pro-trafficking, pro-rape history and recognized that all women deserve better than pornography and prostitution has to offer.

Offline. With a book. I want you to read. Read. Learn. Read and learn all about how there is a wide spectrum of pornography that begins with softcore and ends in the rape and murder of people on camera. Do you know why I insist on reminding you that it’s a spectrum, as opposed to two entirely separate things? Because the very same people who profit from your consumption of “regular” porn are the same ones who traffic children and murder women. Don’t believe me? You do the research and read and learn yourself. Offline. With a book. I want you to read. Read. Learn.

I am telling you now. If you consume porn, you are complicit in the sexual abuse and rape of children; you are complicit in a world that hates women; you are complicit for the entire spectrum of harm that cascades outwardly from pornography.

Today is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. It’s officially recognized by the UN to raise awareness of the crimes perpetrated against women, including rape and domestic violence.

Today also begins 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence, preceding December 10’s International Human Rights Day.

That means from now until then, you have sixteen days packed full of choices. When I got started, I was entirely lost. So I made a list of 16 things you can do over the next 16 days that could go a short way towards eliminating crimes perpetrated against women, or a long way towards changing you.

1) You can read a book about the harms of pornography. I recommend you get started with Pornland by Gail Dines or Big Porn Inc by Melinda T Reist and Abigail Bray.

2) You can donate to a charity that supports women. I highly recommend Coalition Against Trafficking in Women (CATW). (http://www.catwinternational.org/)

3) You can check out the ENTIRETY of Andrea Dworkin’s essays online for FREE. (http://radfem.org/dworkin/) I recommend starting with Pornography: Men Possessing Women.

4) You can abstain from pornography. I suggest you do it for forever. Trust me – it’ll change the way you look at everything.

5) You can dive in and absorb some amazing feminist articles online. I suggest http://www.feministcurrent.com/ for the honest and brilliant articles.

6) You can volunteer with or donate to a local shelter that promotes women’s safety.

7) You can interrupt any sexist or misogynistic language being used in your vicinity. I know how super hard that can be, but trust me when I say that true strength lies in those who challenge those in power. Only misogynists punch downwards (which is what you’re doing when you make rape jokes or sexualize women unwanted).

8) You can be critical of the media you consume. Don’t know how to start? Stop watching and start listening when women tell you something is offensive (i.e. Game of Thrones and unnecessary nudity – it’s okay to be critical of the things you love, people).

9) You can listen to a podcast. Again, have to recommend the dense selection at @Feminist Current (http://www.feministcurrent.com/category/podcasts/).

10) You can seek out organizations that are feminist, pro-feminist, pro-women and get to know more about their cause.

11) You can open up communication with a woman you know who’s been harmed by domestic or sexualized violence. I heartily recommend you start by telling them something along the lines of, “I haven’t truly considered the experiences of other people. I want you to know that any time you need an ear, I would be happy to listen. And no, I will not offer you unsolicited advice or offer solutions or pretend I’m an expert at what you’ve gone through.”

12) You can stop using sexist or misogynistic language. This includes using words like “pussy,” “bitch,” “whore,” “ho,” “son of a bitch,” “cunt,” and phrases like “… like a girl,” “be a man,” “… is a man’s job.”

13) You can stop laughing at jokes that generalize and thus reinforce what it means “to be a woman”, such as the way women talk, dress, behave, and so on.

14) You can defend women. Start simple, like with sharing an article on your personal timeline on the condition that you will be active in the comments section that follows. Small potatoes, share an article that’s pro-women. Medium potatoes, share an article that’s anti-porn. Large potatoes, share an article that establishes your position as an anti-porn / pro-women advocate and watch how quickly some men will hiss at you and how others in real life will begin to avoid you like you’re insane (lol you’ll get used to it).

15) You can admit that you don’t actually know much about violence against women, but that you are open to learning more and could use a few suggestions to teach yourself (important: nobody can change you except yourself. The best you can do is be open and allow yourself a huge amount of space to accept how very, very little you know and how very, very disorienting everything becomes once that light bulb has gone off over your head).

16) You can speak up in real life.